FINALLY. FROM CHURNING MAGMA AND BILLOWING GASES I HAVE SHAPED AND MOLDED THIS PARADISE. ALL THAT REMAINS IS TO POPULATE IT WITH CREATURES MADE IN MY IMAGE. I DON’T WANT THEM TO HAVE TO WORK OR FORAGE FOR FOOD, THOUGH, SO I SHOULD PROBABLY MAKE SOME KIND OF ANNOYING, IGNORANT, SELF DESTRUCTIVE AND NEUROTIC BIPEDAL ASSHOLES WHOSE INTENSE LONELINESS EVEN IN THE MIDST OF THEIR OWN KIND WILL COMPEL THEM TO SHELTER, FEED, ADORE AND PAMPER MY PRECIOUS CHILDREN.
Degenerative Cubism afflicts 12% of Spanish cattle. If the disease were ever to become airborne, it’s estimated that all beef cattle in the country would be little more than a few lines leaving the impression of cattle within one month.
A realism vaccine was developed in 1994 but has occasional surrealist side effects, turning 2% of cattle injected into two arguing mimes and a waffle.
actual german compound nouns:
Staubsauger (vaccuum cleaner, literally “DUST SUCKER”)
Vorhang (curtain, literally “HANGS IN FRONT”)
Wasserkocher (kettle, literally “WATER BOILER”)
I smile every time I remember German birth control pills are called “antibabypillen”. Though in the interest of fairness, “fireplace”.
Can you imagine someone casting their first successful corporeal Patronus, but it comes out enormous and unidentifiable and it just keeps emerging out of their wand… everyone turns to watch, confused and concerned, and the caster just stares blankly at the Patronus until some nerd recognizes the shape and shouts, “Good lord, it’s a Blue Whale!”
a movie where a grizzled ex-marine is brutally murdered by a gang and his pregnant wife and young daughter go on a revenge spree to avenge his death
Staff was taking six-month-old tiger cub Akaasha on her daily walk around the Six Flags Discovery Kingdom when she saw Mavrick, a 14-month-old Atlantic bottlenose dolphin. The pair examined each other from all angles possible - then the dolphin blew an approving bout of bubbles towards the tiger. [Article]
oh my god dolphins express approval by blowing bubbles
Seizure First Aid.
Learn it. Share it. Know it. Use it.
100% correct medical information on tumblr for once; also consider calling 911 if you don’t know how often the person has seizures and ESPECIALLY if the seizure has lasted 5 minutes or more (which is why the watch is critical)
This is so important!
Really good friend of mine from work back home had seizures a few times on the job. This is crucial information.
It does not escape me for one moment that so much joy in my life is thanks to so much pain in someone else’s. When I look down at this golden statue, may it remind me and every little child that no matter where you’re from your dreams are valid.
I love Lupita Nyongo’s Brother
because he literally did
exactly what we would do
if we went to the Oscars
except he did it 220022932 times better.
and let’s talk about the Academy Award members who put their votes forward towards a category where they didn’t even bother to watch all of the nominated films
#im so fucking pissed off #fuck this #fuck the oscars #fuck whoever was in charge of selecting the voters #im actually infuriated #this is my life ok#if you wanna be a judge you fuckin watch all the damn movies #how dare you #how dare you have the balls to say that you just drop your kid off and leave when someone put their blood sweat and tears #into making this movie #how fucking dare you #and you call yourself a professional #it’s youR FUCKING JOB TO WATCH THESE MOVIES#HOW DARE YOU CALL YOURSELF A JUDGE #FUCK YOU #IM ENTERING THE ANIMATION WORLD AND IF MY MOVIE IS NOMINATED YOU ARE GONNA FUCKING WATCH IT BECAUSE THAT’S YOUR DAMN JOB #HOW DARE YOU #YOU ARE LITERALLY THE WORST #IM SO MAD#IM ACTUALLY MAD #AND IT TAKES A LOT FOR ME TO GET TO THIS LEVEL OF ANGER #HOW FUCKING DARE YOU STOMP AND SPIT ON THE DREAMS AND ASPIRATIONS OF ANIMATORS EVERYWHERE #I HAVE NO RESPECT FOR PEOPLE THAT DO THIS #YOUR ACTIONS ARE TRASH #UTTER TRASH #PEOPLE PUT TIME AND EFFORT INTO THIS AND FOR YOU TO SAY OH I DIDNT WATCH ALL OF THEM HOW FUCKING DARE YOU EVEN HAVE THE NERVE TO SAY THAT #THEY WERE FUCKING NOMINATED YOU FUCKING SIT DOWN AND WATCH THEM ITS NOT THAT HARD